I Don't Want to Wait
by burtneymac95
Summary: Post-Countdown. 3 times of almost dying, 3 times of missed opportunities to tell each other how the really feel. What happens after Castle leaves the precinct? Will Beckett finally break up with Josh? Fluffy one-shot!


**_Hey guys! I know I still need to update my other story, On the Verge of Death & I Guess You Get Used To Somebody, but I just had to write this one-shot about Monday's episode, Countdown. How amazing was it? I had tears in my eyes at least 3 times throughout the hour. If anyone wants to talk about it, message me! I'm excited to hear your sides._**

**_Anyway, hope you enjoy this!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Castle._**

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"Hell of a day huh?" he said, exhaling deeply.

She sighed. "Hell of a day."

"You know...I was thinking..." Kate looked at him with intensity and curiousness. "I was thinking maybe…I should go home, get some rest. Long day. Good night." he said as he walked away leaving without ever looking back.

"Good night." she yelled, sad and confused.

Seconds later, she could feel someones breath on her neck, as she watched Castle walk towards the elevator. She turned around to see Josh, as he wrapped his arms around her. But instead of burying her face in his chest, she continued watching Castle, knowing now that he was going to say something completely different, but Josh had shown up. She felt guilty. She felt sadness. She felt, regret.

After almost dying 3 times with Castle, she finally realized that she had 3 opportunities to tell him how she felt, to die with no regret. But she was too scared. As the elevators doors closed, a tear fell down her cheek.

"Katie? What's wrong?" Josh asked, bringing her head up to meet his.

She knew what she had to do. She couldn't lie to him, to herself, anymore.

"Josh, we need to talk." she said as she grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the break room.

Josh sat on the table, as Kate took a deep breath.

"I think you should go to Haiti."

"But Kate, you…you got so pissed and upset that I was going in the first place, but…now you want me to go?" he asked, confused.

She nodded. "Listen Josh, it was really sweet that you stayed for me. Really, it is. But…that's only because you saw the look on my face when I told you I wanted you to stay. I could tell you didn't want to. And I realized, I can't do that to you. It's your job, it's your life. I wouldn't like it if you stopped me from doing my job, so what right do I have to stop you from yours?"

He sighed, taking in everything she was saying. "It's not just about me, is it?"

She shook her head no, knowing that he knew there was another reason, another person.

"Castle." he sighed.

"I'm so sorry. I…I don't know why I feel the way I do, it's just…"

"He was there when I wasn't." he finished for her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Josh. You are such an amazing guy. I never wanted to hurt you."

He nodded, as he pulled her into a hug.

"I love you Kate. But, I think he loves you more. So, take care of yourself." he said as he kissed the top of her head and walked out of the break room.

She put her head down in disbelief. What did she just do? Did she really just break up with yet another man for Castle? Who was just going to probably break her heart yet again by reuniting with an ex lover?

She sighed. She would just have to wait to see what was in store for her and Castle's fate.

ooo

The next day, Beckett was sitting at her desk doing paperwork, when Castle walked in, two coffees in hand.

"Good morning." he said as he sat the cup down on her desk.

She looked up and half smiled. "Hey Castle. Get a good sleep last night?"

He thought about the question, mentally saying no. Because truth is, he didn't. He kept having nightmares about them being trapped together, or about to die together, and everytime she died, but he didn't. He would do everything he could to save her, but it never worked.

"Yeah, almost a full 8 hours for once. What about you?"

"Yeah, surprisingly." she said.

Truth is, she didn't sleep either. After the break up with Josh, she knew she had a lot to think about. So when she got home, she drew herself a warm bubble bath, and layed there, thinking about everything. She thought about how Castle seemed like he kept trying to tell her something, but something always interrupted them. Later that night, she layed in her bed, and tossed and turned all night, never sleeping at all.

"Good. That's good. You needed the rest." He told her, concerned for her well being.

"So did you." she whispered, as they smiled at each other.

"So, I'm sorry to say this, but I hope nobody gets killed today. I would like a day off from saving the world." he said, smiling as he sat down in **his** chair.

She laughed. "You don't have to be sorry. I think we all feel the same way right now." she comforted him, placing her hand over top of his.

He smiled as he placed his left hand on top of hers. They locked eyes and stared at each other with intensity. When the moment came that made it awkward, Castle pulled his hand off of hers.

"So uh, how's Josh?" he asked.

"Oh um, yeah he's good." she lied.

As much as she wanted to tell him that they broke up and she now wanted to take a chance with him, she was still too scared.

"That's good." he said sincerely, half smiling.

But as she watched his facial expressions, she could see that he didn't mean it.

"Um, I don't want you to feel like I'm kicking you out or anything, but todays going to probably be a boring day, mostly just paperwork. I don't want you to sit around and be bored."

He nodded. "Sure. I'll uh, I'll leave, if that's what you want."

"No, I don't want you to, I just figured you would be bored. That's all."

"You know, I think I should leave. Maybe spend the day with Alexis."

"Good. Have a good time."

"Yeah." he sighed as he stood up and began walking away.

"See you tomorrow?" she asked.

He turned around.

"Sure." he whispered, turning back around and walking out of the precinct.

ooo

Beckett sat on her couch reading one of her many Castle books. She felt terrible for telling him to go home, when she really didn't want him to. But in order to fully process what she was feeling for him, she needed to not see him, at least for a day. She poured herself another glass of wine, when she heard a knock on the door. She looked at her phone. 11:34. _Who could it be at this time of night?_ she thought.

On instinct, and the remembrance of the past couple days, she grabbed her gun and walked towards the door. She looked through the peep hole, and once she saw who it was, she lowered her gun and placed it on the table, as she opened the door.

"Castle? What are you doing here?" she asked as she stepped aside, allowing him to enter.

"Couldn't sleep." He confessed.

"But I thought you were sleeping fine?" she asked, confused.

"I lied. What's your excuse for being up?"

She sighed and decided to tell the truth. "I lied too. I haven't slept in almost 3 days."

They walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Wine?" she asked.

He nodded as she poured him a glass and handed it to him.

"How was your day with Alexis?" she asked.

"Good. We went out for lunch, I took her to a few stores so she could get some new clothes, we went out for dinner, then went to a movie."

"Wow. That's great. I bet you were happy."

"I was. It was…it was good." She nodded and smiled. "Though honestly, I would've rather been at the precinct."

"Why would you rather be at the precinct then spending time with your daughter?"

He ignored the question as he downed his glass of wine.

"Are you going to answer me?" she asked.

"I just…I'd rather be with you, doing paperwork, then anywhere else." he confessed.

"Why? That's pretty boring if you ask me."

"Why? Because…I'd do anything that was boring, risky, fun, etc, if I was doing it with you."

She gulped, for she was not expecting that.

"Castle I…"

"I know. You're with Josh, I shouldn't be saying that, and I'm sorry. But I just realized that….we almost died 3 times together. 3 times I had the chance to tell you how I really felt before we died, and 3 times I chickened out. But no, not this time. You were going to say something to me in that freezer. What was it?"

She was too taken aback to respond immediately. "I was? I…I don't remember."

"The hell you don't. You're lying. I've been in enough interrogations with you to tell when someones lying."

"I broke up with Josh." she admitted, changing the subject.

"And now you change the subject….wait, what?" he asked, mad at first that she ignored the question, but then he realized what she had said.

"I broke up with Josh yesterday." she said again.

"Yesterday? When? You told me this morning that you two were good."

"Yeah, well I lied. After you left the precinct yesterday, I broke up with him."

"Why?" he asked, scooting closer to her on the couch.

"He wasn't there. I almost died 3 times and…he wasn't there for 2 of them."

"But…."

"But you were." she interrupted whatever he was going to say. "In the freezer, I was going to tell you how much I…how much I love you. I don't understand why. You're immature, cocky, stubborn, childish…"

"Gee thanks." he interrupted.

"Sorry, but…I still…I still love you anyways. You're always there for me. you always have my back. You're the one that makes me smile when I'm upset. You're the one that risks his life to save mine, you're the one…that I want to dive into a relationship with, if you want to. I completely understand if you don't but I…."

Before she could finish, Castle shut her up by kissing her intensely. At first, she didn't realize what was going on, but when she did, she quickly granted his tongue access to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing her closer to him. She laid back on the couch, as Castle climbed on top of her. His hands started roaming her body, as one of her hands played with his hair and her other was holding onto his back.

Castle realized what this was going to turn into, something that he had dreamed about so many times before. But he wanted to do this right. He wanted to take it slow, explore each other more personally.

He backed off of her, panting. She was confused at why he did so, as she tried to regain her breath.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this." he whispered.

"I..I understand. We can just be friends. I'm fine."

"No, not the whole relationship thing, I mean sex." he said, as she laughed.

"Oh. I thought…"

"You thought wrong. Kate, I love you, so much. I have tried to tell you so many times in the past month, the past year, but…something always interrupted. I know theres still a lot we need to talk about, but for right now, I love you Kate Beckett and I want to be there for you, you be there for me, and we can dive into this together."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "

I'm scared." she whispered.

She backed out of his embrace. "I know. But trust me, I am not going to hurt you. Being with you has changed me. I'm not the man I used to be. You can bet your badge that I will never, ever, ever, do anything to hurt you. I promise."

She nodded and whispered "I know."

He could tell by the look on her face that she was getting tired.

"Come on." he said, standing up and holding out his hand for her.

"Where are we going?"

"To your bedroom."

"I thought you didn't want to do this?"

"We're not going to have sex, we're going to sleep. Because I have a feeling we're going to get much better sleep tonight then we ever have."

She smiled and grabbed his hand as they walked back to her bedroom. He took his pants off, revealing Scooby Doo boxers. She laughed, noticing them first thing.

"Really?" she asked.

"Alexis bought them for me for Fathers day a few years ago."

"I'm not complaining." she said as they got under the covers.

He pulled her closer to him, holding her tightly as she laid her head on his chest.

"I love you." she whispered, almost inaudible.

When he didn't answer she figured he had fallen asleep already.

But then she heard "I love you too." and that was all she needed for her eyes to slowly close as she had the best sleep she had ever had in her whole life.

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**_So I think this is definitely going to be a one-shot. Maybe it will be more in the future, but for now, I need to focus on my other stories. _**

**_Please review! :)_**


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